Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
