the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
