Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
