Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
