We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Vodka?
Forever.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
