im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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