What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
