Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Randomize
