I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
