There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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