Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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