she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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