Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
