I looked at my own cervix.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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