Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Randomize
