I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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