I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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