whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Of course I have a pirate flag
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
