Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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