Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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