I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
