I'm really into asian looking animals
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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