Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
