im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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