..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
don't judge my taste in strippers
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I think i got beer on your cat.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
