White coat. Heels.
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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