Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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