My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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