I seem to have left my pride at pride
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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