how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
