1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
