it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
