Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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