I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
