everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
