Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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