im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
