Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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