I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
