garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I bet he comes in French.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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