the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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