I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
