i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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