i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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