Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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