he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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