Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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