i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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