I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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