I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
